I Dare You
by Sonsasu the Gray Daiconi
Summary: In the modern world, Predators aren't real. Simple as that. So, what happens to a young woman who's dared to go looking for one? Is it unfortunate that an actual Yautja is on the hunt...and not exactly looking for a normal trophy?
1. Calling Them Out

**I Dare You**

**By, Sonsasu**

**Chapter One**

"**Calling Them Out"**

* * *

"I dare you to do it."

"No."

"I double dog dare you to do it."

"No…"

"Alright fine, I triple dog dare you to go looking for a Yautja. And if you don't, I'll call home and _tell_ on you. I think mom would love hearing what you did to Uncle Bill when you were nine."

"You know, there are times when I honestly despise you Lily."

"No you don't."

"You're right. I just hate those big ears of yours that tend to conveniently listen in on private conversations."

"Hey!"

I offered my sibling a tense, but pleased smile in return. However, I released a sigh before nodding in defeat. Personally, hearing was a very good quality I would prefer to keep, for my mother would not only talk me deaf if she knew I had set firecrackers under Uncle Bill's lawn chair when he was still on it sound asleep. She would more than likely have a conniption fit of the likes I had never seen before via the phone.

"Give me the flashlight. It's too dark for me to see." My lips pulled to the side in annoyance. "And with the sixty percent chance of sleet that was meant for this weekend, the moon is more than likely going to have a play date with some clouds tonight."

My older sister, a very blond and slender creature any male would drool over, fished out a spare penlight from a clothing bag set in a corner of the tent.

"Of course, and remember you have to stay in the woods for at least thirty minutes calling out, Yautja."

I all but tore the blue colored steel item from her hand, indignant over the fact she was giving me the petty one, albeit better with its ultraviolet illumination brightness, but still. Dropping to my hands and knees, I unzipped the flap and exited our temporary fabric dwelling. Instantly the chilled air made my breath form in streams of mist across the beam of my hand-held light.

"My stuff too, I'm starting to feel like a fashionable Popsicle."

Easing naught but her torso out, I turned just as a shiver accosted her frame. She quickly placed my shoes on the ground, but darted back in to retrieve my jacket. In less then a few seconds, she handed me my heavy brown autumn coat, all the while smirking like the fat cat who ate the even fatter canary.

"Now the knives Lily, for all I know some nutcase with poison ivy could be waiting."

Disappearing once more, I could hear the hiss of her shifting our sleeping bags around.

"Found them!"

Her hands reappeared, cradling one blade in each palm. I reached for my Spyderco Endura first and clipped it onto my front belt loop. The second I went for was my Smith & Wesson H.R.T. I laced cold fingers into the chain then slid it around my neck, wincing when its equally frigid links touched my skin.

"I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I already know Predators don't exist-"

On a moment's spur of insight, I hissed. "I bet you're just sending me away so you can get off or something."

"You wish. I have toys back at home to help me with that if I'm bored."

I did not need to know that.

She stuck her head out of the tent flap, her all knowing, smug little grin acting like a barb pricking at my already irritated temperament. I, on will alone, refrained from the violent impulse of kicking her. Instead, I hopped on one foot, dusted the dirt off, and then placed my shoe on, repeating the process with my other, warm blazer slung over my shoulder.

"So, exactly what do I do _if_ I encounter one of the lobster heads?"

My sarcastic tone provoked a snort from Lily.

"Let's see… How about drop your weapons, refrain from eye contact, keep your head down, and once they're not looking, run as fast as you can. Oh, and pray you can avoid running into anything hard, and involving bark."

I swung around and aimed the bright ray directly into her eyes. She let out a satisfying noise of discomfort, and withdrew into the tent.

"Oh for the love of Pete, don't worry! From what I've read in a few books, you might get lucky and have one of them take you as a pet."

I sent a plea for patience toward the heavens.

"Now, that just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, thinking I get to be a domesticated animal for some alien."

As I went to take a step in my intended direction, my _dear _sister decided I needed a parting comment.

"Correction, Sugar Plum." I despised that nickname. "Yautja prefer a certain _kind_ of pet, if you get my meaning."

I huffed out a large plume of steamed air.

"How can I not? You're such a _master_ of subtle wording I often forget you're just a halfwit with mosquito bites for tits."

I shrugged my coat on and walked away from our site without another word, barely dodging a thrown projectile aimed at my head.

* * *

**Maybe twelve minutes have passed**

**I'm in the woods**

**I feel like an idiot**

**And I'm still looking for a Predator**

* * *

"Yautja!"

My throat was starting to tighten up in protest just as I decided that this was officially an unusually creative low for my sister.

"_When I get back to camp, I'm going to enjoy finding new methods of payback over this torture! My feet are numb because she forgot to give me my flipping socks, I can't feel my nose, my ass is equal to the temperature of frosty the snow man's backside, and my boobs are cold!"_

Halting abruptly, I stuck the pen-sized flashlight into my mouth, and then grabbed my bottom, trying to warm the frozen mounds of flesh by stinging and rubbing them vigorously.

"_This isn't fair…"_

I continued to rub my abused buns while using my lips to swivel the shaft of light, illuminating the darkness of my surroundings.

"_I don't really need to call the name out do I? Lily's back at the camp and I doubt her hearing is that good…so I suppose I'll just wait out the remaining minutes."_

Removing tingling palms from a now slightly warmed butt, I spat the flashlight into my awaiting palm and started to turn back the way I came. A loud, breathy rattle caused me to pause in mid step. For several wretched seconds, my stomach did summersaults, right after my heart leapt into a swifter beat tempo. Stealing a deep inhale, I forced myself to transfer those unwanted sensations to the act of gritting my teeth.

"_Calm down and smile."_

Without a doubt, Lily had probably followed me, had a pair of dry old sticks and was banging them together.

"_Two can play at this game old bean,"_ I silently mouthed.

"Alright, you found me! Your hunt is over, come and claim your prize great and mighty Yautja!"

Turning around to face the towering Oak tree from which the clicking had originated, I spread my arms and cocked my head.

"Please don't be shy great hunter, I'm all yours!"

My expression morphed into the Cheshire cat's grin as I wiggled my fingers in an obvious beckoning. Louder clicking came as a result, this time in the thickness of the branches. My sister would have to emerge eventually and when she did, I was going to drag her with me then dump her screaming and kicking into the lake, consequences be damned.

"Aren't you going to come and claim your Ooman prize, Extraordinary One?"

A rumbling growl, like the rolling chariot wheels of oncoming thunder, came from the branch directly above me. Well, Lily always had been a wonderful climber, but the growl helped to erase my smirk. I lowered my arms and fingered the rough metal grip of my flashlight.

"Okay, enough games. Are you coming down or not? I'm seriously cold and could do with a good warm-"

Right after I said that in my subdued tone, a series of tree limbs swayed, and something much too large to be Lily dropped down. The immense weight shocked me with its unanticipated force. Literally bounced off the ground, and on some ridiculous reaction, I felt my legs curl slightly. It made landing impossible. Thus, I yelped, yes yelped, like a miniature dog when I slammed with a jarring blow onto the cold and rather moist ground.

Stunned, but not incapacitated, I blindly sought the fallen shape of my only source of light. When I found the object of my frantic search, I immediately aimed it in front of me, despite my flat and slightly awkward position. Expecting to find something solid, I encountered in lieu, a distorted image. I watched, in complete mutism, as the camouflage crackled away in rivets of vanishing blue lines.

"_Holy crap… Well just call me Jonny and give me a fucking bag of apple seeds."_

Although the white, bluish beam revealed a scantily clad creature I had once believed to exist only in books, comics, and movies, or more precisely, the junction of its legs, seeing as I still had failed to lift my trembling light any higher, it came as quite a mental tremor. The moon, in a wonderful, but annoying act of timing, chose at that moment to claim victory in a round of hide and seek with its foes of shadowy clouds.

"_Not cool, not cool, not cool, oh my freaking God so not cool!"_

I craned my head back, and back, and back some more, until it encountered my shoulders, where it could tilt no further. The flashlight slipped from my fingers, and onto my lap. If this was a prank, it was a damn good one. Utter silence, still and unwelcome, held me in its unmoving embrace. My thoughts on the other hand, were not so.

They buzzed like a furious beehive under attack. I stole a breath, and then another. The Predator cocked his head to the side. What the hell does a person do when confronted with something that should not have an existence? Ah right, babble like an idiot, what else…

"Wow…aren't you a tall one. A good ol' well fed…homeboy of eight feet, if my guess is correct."

My eyes, desperately seeking another topic, swept to the prizes hanging on his armored loincloth.

"Damn- I mean, what incredible trophies, oh God, human skulls, you have there, so f-fresh looking too."

Somehow, I honestly doubted one of them belonged to Lily. I would have heard something, that girl had a set of lungs on her. The Predator emitted a gentle rolling growl and used the tips of his talons to caress his treasures. This motion caused me to swallow from a mouth gone dry, as my heart cowered in my throat.

"You know, I bet you must be a hunter known throughout the galaxy for his grand hunts. Hell, I can't lie. Just by looking, I can feel an aura of power radiating off you. After all, you are a fine, no, _the_ finest, example of your species. It's an honor simply to be in your presence. I'm…I'm humbled. See, look here, I'm on the ground, I'm very humbled."

His helmed head snapped to my face. Could he understand me? That clicking came again, but this time there was a difference. It was slower, thoughtful almost, if that was possible. Where perhaps three feet had kept us apart, he, for no apparent reason, decided to drop into a crouch, taking my personal space and filling it with his massive bulk.

Easing his helmed head forward until it was mere inches from mine, I could not help it as my eyes widened when I felt a painfully sharp talon tip tilt my chin up to look into the reflective eyes of his helmet.

"Mine…"

His deep gravelly voice should have made me piss my pants, but I think it was the one word he growled out that had my stomach twist in knots.

Maybe I should not have overdone it with the flattery...

* * *

_**-Disclaimer-**_

_**Sonsasu does not own Predator**_


	2. Jumpy Much?

**I Dare You**

**By, Sonsasu**

**Chapter Two**

**"Jumpy Much?"**

* * *

_"Mine…? Oh man…that is something I so did not need to hear…" _

Forcing one of the largest smiles onto my face, I actually managed to use my butt to crawl back a few inches before slowly getting to my feet, clutching at the flashlight like a lifeline. Unfortunately, bucket head…I mean…the Predator decided to rise at the same time, so now there is that uncomfortable silence, you know, right before…oh crap! Mr. Tall dark and shiny had reached out, his large clawed hand nearly grabbing my waist, but I jumped back at the last second, sucking in my tummy so fast it hurt. At that point, with my arms hovering in the air like a bad impression of the Wolf Man or a Zombie, I realized…I had a very, very, full bladder…hell of a time to need a bathroom…

The Predator clicked loudly and reached for me again and like a skipping record, I jumped back, arms still in the air, apparently, he did not see the humor in this situation… Growling low in his throat he took a giant step forwards, my brain went on vacation as my feet spun me around, taking off like the roadrunner, so with any hope the Predator would be the coyote…and fall off a cliff…or hit a low hanging branch, all he needs is the little sign…

* * *

**After running like a madwoman towards the camp **

**My legs are leaded jelly **

**I am out of breath **

**In addition, I still have to wiz! **

* * *

_"God this is so not fair!" _Gasping for breath, my lungs felt like they were on fire, legs ready to surrender to a heavy butt, twigs stinging my face as I ran and I need to pee really badly! _"This is not fair, what the hell did I do to deserve this?! And why hasn't the Predator caught me yet? It's not like I'm Speedy Gonzales or anything…I bet I'm Slowpoke…without the gun!" _

The heavy stomp of his feet behind me, urged my tired legs with a boast of adrenalin, loud clicking echoed in the woods, sounding speciously like laughing… _"Oh that is so not right, he's playing with me! Bucket head could have grabbed me anytime he wanted!" _That thought annoyed me to no end as I struggled to hop over a fallen tree, flashlight bobbing up and down, my bladder ready to burst with every step… A soft glow up ahead nearly made me squeal in delight as I spotted the electric lamp…but it looked strange…

* * *

**After bursting in on our campsite **

**I find Lily had packed our stuff away in the car **

**Oh, that's why she sent me away **

**Lose one tent stake and you're marked for life... **

* * *

"Lily, start the car!" My shrill scream and waving arms startled my sister as she slammed the trunk down, "What the hell are you talking…" Her eyes bulged when apparently she caught sight of what was behind me…

"Shit!" She did not even bother to give my panting ass a second look as she spun around so fast she did a ballerina twirl before running around the truck like a headless chicken, which by the way is a very disturbing sight… Digging my feet into the dusty brown dirt, I jumped in the air, twisting at the same time to face the oncoming Predator like a ninja, and tossing the flashlight like a throwing star…striking him with perfect aim in the only place that would honestly count… The Yautja's hands flew to his crouch as he toppled face first in the dirt, both legs drawn in tight to his chest, weird sounds like a horse being choked emerging from the mask.

I let a whoop of delight upon landing, never in my entire life had I managed to throw straight…my aim always curves to the left for whatever reason…and I can only hit a moving target… The roar of the engine stopped the start of a happy dance, reminding me that my sister was not one to delay in taking off on certain people... Darting over to the parked truck's passenger side, I yanked the door open and literally had to hop into the seat as Lily shoved the gas peddle into the floorboard…can we say impatient?

The snarl of tires over the dirt and the bumpy bouncing was not a comfort for my bladder as we sped off onto the trail, the neon headlights revealing the narrow line of dirt road…oh God I have to pee…

* * *

**We made it safely out of the woods **

**Though Lily and I paled when we heard a weak roar **

**It was kind of high pitched if you get my meaning **

**We're on the freeway driving back home right now… **

* * *

"You bitch! You were going to freaking leave me there!" Lily gave me a quick side-glance, a smile fighting to show on her faintly freckled face, "Yeah, but you have a little bit of sista in you, so you moved quick enough." My right eye twitched, "You know not all stereotypes are true…" She snorted, "If a brother can dodge a bullet then you can run your happy go lucky ass faster then a racecar with the right motivation." Her tone of voice made me bite my lip and the inside of my cheeks as I struggled not to laugh aloud, "my sister…the comedian…"

Leaning against the soft comfortable seat, I took a deep breath enjoying the new car smell, before looking out the window, staring at the cloudless night sky with the full moon hanging low and heavy, millions of bright stars winking down from the heavens. Peering at the dark road I watched as some ancient rusty car came rolling beside us, with a little boy, maybe six or seven years old staring up at the tall truck through his back passenger window. The kid was adorable, curly black hair, big blue eyes, evil smile…the brat began making ridicules faces, sticking his tongue out and lifting up his stubby nose, eww boogers!

I was above doing such childish things…oh, again never mind, sticking my own tongue out, I started making the ugliest looks I could come up with, doing everything in the book to outwit the monster. This went on for a few minutes before the yellow flashing of a turn signal blinked on and off, its flickering light illuminating the corner of the road briefly. However, I remained the champion of face making, because the kid finally gave up from laughing too hard and that his car was taking the next turn…thus ending our game. Before I lost sight of the rusty piece of junk, the runt waved happily, disappearing around the winding road bend that went up the hill.

Resuming my former position, I felt the weight of stare…flicking my gaze to the left I frowned, "What?" Lily shook her black haired head, "And here I thought I was petty…" I mimicked her voice with a whiney sound, sneering halfheartedly, "You're just mad because I can still make faces and you can't so…" I stuck my tongue out at her and she snorted once again, "Hey Luma look!" Automatically my head turned to look at Lily…and to see her flash me a pale boob…that was her way of saying fuck you…and no one ever caught her doing it either…she was the amazing flash…

"No bra this week?" I had sullenly turned back to facing the front window, "Nope, I like'a the jiggly!" That one comment always made me laugh; I should have never shown her the cartoon, Foamy the Squirrel… Groaning in pain, I squeezed my legs tighter together, "Can't you go any faster? I'm going to pee on the new seat coverings!" Lily gave me a full look of concern, mostly concerned about the new gray coverings actually… "Five more minutes and we're home…" I whimpered and hopped in place, shifting leg from leg to hold back the ready-to-burst dam.

Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to watch the night sky, and nearly forgot how to breathe…along with almost peeing on myself, for no more then a few seconds…it looked like there was a dark shape above us… Leaning forward to catch another glimpse of that strange spaceship nose, like the one from AVP, I grunted as the belt constricted across my tummy, informing me that if I kept going, I was going to go pop! "Earth to Luma, come in Luma, what are you looking at, over." Mumbling beneath my breath, I let out a shaky laugh, "Let's never talk about Predators again okay?" Lily glanced at me, an honestly serious look on her face, "agreed…"

* * *

**We're finally back home **

**My sister is a top model **

**I'm living with her and two other top models in a penthouse near an ocean **

**Also, I'm their clothing designer **

* * *

Moaning in absolute bliss, I had tears falling from my hazel eyes as I released Niagara Falls, the occasional toot making me chuckle; everyone farts and has to take a crap, no need to be ashamed. Wiping myself dry and rising from the toilet, I flushed the yellow misery down the drain, humming a Nine Inch Nails song while I washed my hands. Walking out of the giant bathroom, I turned a corner and went over to a ground vent, standing over it, letting the baggy t-shirt bellow like a parachute, its bold number zero and tiny holes making me smile. Pleasantly cooled off now I partially skipped the rest of the way to our huge leather couch, passing the rarely used kitchen, the black carpet like spongy moss beneath my bare feet.

"Dive bomb!" I did a belly flop on the dark brown cushions, sighing happily then grunting as I wiggled the black shirt back down, the bare skin of my legs sticking to the leather like it was flypaper…at least I was wearing panties. Closing my eyes, I began to drift off, only to have my head shoot up whenever the smallest sound invaded the peace of silence. Looking around with a terrible paranoia, I stared over each detail of the house, gazing out the tall door window that lead to the ocean, and that I know is locked, I peered behind the couch, nothing other then a vent, peeking over the armrests I looked at the open doors of the four rooms far across from me.

Still nothing to see in the rooms beyond and I am to lazy to move, "Jumpy much…?" Plopping back down, I began to regret the decision of not going with Vela, Connie and Lily, when those three were together they did not know the meaning of rest so never mind… Though being alone in a massive house after saying hi to a real Predator is not a very good thing for rambled nerves…

"So sad, to bad, don't cry over split milk and what not…" After mumbling that I pillowed my head against the curve of my arm, allowing the other to play with some carpeting, and it was probably this that lulled me to sleep, just a mindless task fingering the soft bushy…too sleepy to continue…eh.

* * *

**I've been asleep for maybe an hour or a few seconds **

**I'm very comfortable **

**A very heavy sleeper **

**And having a wonderful dream **

* * *

Shifting against the broad hands that ran over my back, I made little noises and coos of delight when they found a sensitive spot at the nape of my neck, a thumb brushing over the fine hairs, then continuing down the curve of my spine. I arched my back like a cat after a good scratch, stretching in my sleep, before turning my head to face the back of the couch, those hands felt great… Opening unseeing eyes briefly, I lifted my head up, peering right at the naked face a Predator, its mandibles twitching; I just smiled at it like a total dope…

Dropping my head back down, I was sorry those nice hands had stopped playing with…whoa…well someone is touché feely…said hands were grasping my bottom… Perhaps it was the light touch of sharp nails against my underwear that made me…realize whom those talented hands belonged to…"Predator!"

My eyes flew open, and I managed to roll over, but I did not escape as originally planed…no instead, he picked me up from the couch and slung my ass over his mountain called a shoulder…and placed a hand over my butt… "Put me down lobster face!" I tugged on his dreadlocks…which I will say was rather stupid on my part…the hand that was gripping my bum disappeared for a split second…then swatted me firmly…oh that made me squawk like a shaved bird… Dignity took a hike as I clamped a free hand over my stinging backside, bucket head did not protest, for his hand was now on my knees, holding me in place as we walked towards the apparently broken door window…well he walked I should say…

_"What did I do to deserve this…?"_

* * *

_**-Disclaimer-**_

_**Sonsasu does not own Predator**_


	3. If You Don't Know It

**I Dare You**

**By, Sonsasu**

**Chapter Three**

**"If You Don't Know It"**

* * *

**After we left the penthouse, he walked to his cloaked ship on the beach**

**We didn't exactly get along**

**I kicked him in the shin once he put me down and then got a semi spanking**

**He made sure I knew he was the ****boss**** after dumping me in his room…**

**The jackass…**

* * *

Staring at the foreign glowing shapes of crimson, I sighed softly, without the knowledge _his_ clock would confirm nothing. Because of those ever-flashing illuminations, the glow had dragged me from a troubled rest. Now here I am, lounging within the confines of an immense bed, limbs outspread as though making a snow angel, while I finger the thick but comfortable pelt beneath me, trying to surpass boredom. Reclining above my head, tied with a long thick rope of unknown material, leading from wrist to bedpost, was my arm, held securely in the coils of a black knot. Complements of me trying to escape, kicking him in the ass, and yelling…

"_This is so messed up…"_

Angrily I yanked my wrist, unfortunately, the sudden motion served merely to remind me of how much abuse it had suffered from earlier…in other words I have been tugging at it for a while… Another urge, one that would have absolutely zero indulgence in, was to scream, kick and thrash like a petulant child, oh yes it tempted me, but I'm twenty years old…I _am not_ going to act like that… Anyway, it would only give me a headache and make my throat sore, so unless something could be beneficial, it possessed no interest. Glancing at the fur, I ceased petting it, as a question renewed itself, from what hellish creature had this originated? In the dimly lit darkness, I could tell the coloring was of a gray wolf, but the sheer magnitude was impossible…it would have to be at least fourteen or fifteen feet in length, and the sheer body mass…

No, I wouldn't wish such an encounter with this animal on anyone…well…possibly one alien.

Speaking of extraterrestrials…where was my so-called _Master_…and I say that _word _with sarcasm I hope you know… Sighing yet again, I brushed a hand over bare breasts, ugly Twitch-Face could have at least left me with some clothing… Shifting, I grimaced as the fur tickled my ribs and hind-end, oh great…now I have fuzz wedgie…can this day get any better…? A hissing like water on molten steel made me jump, immediately sitting up, I watched from the bed across the room where a sliding door unsealed itself from the black wall, revealing the intimidating form of my…_Master_. Orange light from the hallway illuminated him from behind, casting his front in a shadowy hue, I saw him tilt his head to the side as clicks rolled like a card in a bike's wheel spokes.

"_Nope…looks like this day can get a whole lot better…again that was freaking sarcasm."_

He stepped inside and the door slid silently shut…cutting off the main light source, leaving us in partial darkness…the red glow from the clock sitting upon the bone made nightstand the only thing allowing me to see. However, it only stretched to the far corners of the bed, placing the rest of the room in a velvet curtain of ebony. Peering from side to side, I fought to locate his frame in the inky blackness, but there was no need to search for long…because he abruptly sat down beside me, the weight causing the bed to dip, thus making me slide and bump into his thigh…well lay on it more or less. Clenching my jaw and trying to ignore the stinging blush, I placed my free hand against his leg, striving to shove myself back to the other side. Alas, _Master_ possessed other ideas.

He planted a warm palm on my naked waist, long fingers actually reaching to my other hip, except it was his talons keeping me immobile. Immediately I parted my lips to form a protest, and got something the size of an apple shoved in for my troubles… The loud swearing was comically muffled as I swatted at the strange object, obviously freaking out, and unwilling to even rest my tongue against the rounded surface. Rational thought went adios, as multiple images, each one worse then the next appeared, every single one concerned with what the hell was in my mouth. Finally managing to gather enough sense to un-sink my teeth, and yank it out with my free hand, I angrily chucked whatever it was at _his_ head.

Yet like always, my aim was completely off, curving just two scant inches from the side of his broad face, flying away to make a loud wet splatter against what I prayed to be a wall… Some all-mighty hunter he was…such _incredible_ reaction time, Twitch Face jerked back about two seconds too late after I threw the ball thingy. He briefly glanced behind him, and then with hip length dreadlocks flying, swung back around to glare down at me. His indignant roar left my ears ringing, while the once lax grip on my hip tightened until the tips of his nails threatened to break the skin. You know, some would call me a spineless coward, but when faced with a pissed off seven foot tall Predator, about to risk being gutted, and no taller then five feet four inches, you tell me you can play brave-heart in the harsh visage of these odds…

Therefore, perhaps my very pathetic whimper made him lower his bellowing to a simple displeased rumbling growl, and relent on the intense pressure of his grasp… Momentarily, I gave up resistance, choosing instead to let gravity cause me to slump on the firm rise of his thigh muscle, my sore wrist screaming from the abuse. _"Note to self…don't have Predator…yodel…sing opera…or country, just can't see him in the hat… Oh God please no rap, bling would look ridiculous …but the baggy pants would look sexy…reggae might be ok…and he does have the hair for it…" _Whilst my damned eardrums sang their torment in screeching falsettos, a slow realization struck me with enough force to down a raging bull elephant…

The location of two hands, one belonging to myself, and the other to Twitch Face…currently, without past conscious knowledge, I had allowed let my fingers to rest in his _lap_, against something I do not intend to explore… The second, belonging to none other than Sir Touché Feely, had traveled from my waist, now to my chest…palming certain sensitive globes… _"Holy shi-…so not cool, I need an adult, I need an adult! And I need to cut back on watching Family Guy…" _I yanked my hand off his _danger zone_, used the rope binding my extremely pained wrist, and pulled my ass all the way up to the very bedpost it was bound to, thankful that his nails had not nicked me in the sudden shifting.

The Predator did not seem highly upset or anything, in fact, I would bet twenty bucks that he was grinning, amused at my reactions…the pervert. Practically glued to where I sat, my evil-eye-glare did not even faze him, his lone reply, a short snort and the shake of his head. I watched as he bent over the edge of the bed, oh how I was temped to shove a foot on his backside and make him topple onto the misty floor… However, I felt that was more than pushing his patience and good will… Then again, I never have been one for self-control…

Just as my foot was about to connect with his tipped backside, he chose at that very second to sit back up, a large round item cradled to his gigantic chest. Like a recoiling measuring tape, my leg shot back under me, pretending as if absolutely nada was out of the ordinary. The Predator turned and sat a bowl in the middle of the bed, filled to the brim with shapes akin to prunes, apples, pears, oranges, and baseball sized grapes. Blinking in the dim red light, I arched an eyebrow, "what's with the…hey what are you doing…?" Twitch Face leaned toward me, and instantly I thought I was in trouble for whatever reason, I scooted further back.

Nope, all he did was reach over and with one wicked nail, sliced through the thick rope binding me. Once the internal surprise faded, a sigh of utter bliss escaped me, removing the coils I put them aside. Before I could tend to the reddened flesh, the same hand that had freed me circled around my wrist, shackling me in an unbreakable grip. Yeah, I tensed again for the worst, only to hear a purr strangely similar to, "aww," in a very deep rumbled version, his thumb gently stroking back and forth over the tender area. _"This dude is bi-polar or something…one minute pissed…the next all soft and cooing…" _

He lightly tugged my arm, snapping a wondering attention span back to present, it was not hard enough to provoke movement or hurt, but as a suggestion. I accepted, duh, mainly out of the concern of him pulling any harder if I refused. Clenching my jaw, I folded an arm over my exposed chest, behaving as if nothing could embarrass me so long as I was partly covered. Using his hand as a balancer, I half waddled, half tight legged walked on my knees to where he sat, avoiding tipping the bowl.

Flopping down, I tucked my knees slightly to the side, hiding my girly goodies from main sight. I frowned when he did not instantly release my hand, instead, he reached to his right hip, retrieving…weird towels. He held them in front of my face, and two ideas popped up, first being, they were oversized brown napkins, number two, something that I was honestly enthusiastic for… _"Oh thank you God,"_ a deep brown loincloth and a chest…err cloth, strap, hey when you are out of options…you go for what is there… I removed my arm to happily snag the offerings, but seeing as it would be kind of difficult to put them on with only one hand, I wiggled my fingers against his palm.

He did not get the idea at first, all Twitch Face did was cock his head to the side, and playfully squeeze the moving digits in response. Mildly annoyed, but more amused, I started to unfold the clothing, attempting to put them on… He got the earlier meaning. With little to zero encumbering me, I went to put them on, unfortunately, modesty reared its ugly, irritating, damn head. He was staring without blinking, it was a wee bit creepy…shifting the clothes to cover my chest and drape slightly over my crotch, I gave him _the look_.

Blockhead kept staring.

"Could you give me a little room…you know…look at something else…?" He blinked a single time, and then glued his gaze to the apex of my legs. Mandibles twitching in what I assumed to be mirth, the dirty-lecher-smartass…started to purr… Taking a deep breath to the point my cheeks puffed out, I released it in a long sigh, "p-p-p-leeee-ase…?" The way that lone word came free, you would think I was choking on it.

Apparently, that is exactly what the bastard wanted to hear, because he suddenly found an incredible interest in the bowl, snagging a few of the alien fruits, ignoring me completely.

"_Note to self, find gizzards and carrots, then shove them up his ass when he's sleeping… forget the lotion." _Seeing, as this was not going to get any better, I shoved my fluffy self into the clothing, yes, I said fluffy but it is the healthy one, I got meat on my bones. Expecting the thick leather to be skin tight, I discovered it was somewhat stretchy, like spandex! Practically giddy with the way they felt, I arranged them to comfort. The chest cloth, I may as well say it, was just a cooler version for a jogging bra, and the loincloth, a mid thigh skirt split at the sides to part all the way to the hips.

An unyielding band kept them from sliding off, and almost like a second skin, panties were sewn in to cover my behind and girly who-ha. Running my fingertips over the material, I lifted the front flap and back, using my thumb and forefinger to pinch the garment, I wondered, what kind of leather was this? Curiosity unsatisfied, I twisted this way and that, testing if the Amazon jogging bra would keep the kiddies in place, yup, they did not even budge by an inch. Shoot, if I could figure out this thing and recreate it, or where to get it, I would be a millionaire, sport players would love this! Best of all, it was not compressing, and unlike some Earth bras, it allowed me to remain with my natural shape.

Life is _kind of_ looking up.

Peeking at my captor still munching happily on the fruits, I tilted my head to the side. He glanced from the corner of his eye, and in the wane red light, I could tell his iris was scarlet, lined with a darker yellow dusting its edges. For a moment his gaze drifted over me, taking in the sight I presented, it gained me a nod and a faint purr…pervert. With him leaning against massive pillows, stitched together pelts stuffed with something soft, I determined it would be fair to look him over too. Girls are just as perverted…if not more.

Sadly without the mask or darkness to cloak him, he looked nothing like Scar, you know the reddish Yautja from Predator 2? That is _so_ him, to the very point it was scary. Where Twitch Face from the movies looked short, had an oversized head, and small limbs, this one was seven feet tall. From where I was sitting, his arms and legs were long, wrapped in lean wiry cords of pure muscle, shoot, football players looked tiny…and that toned torso, drooling is a high possibility. His tummy alone deserved a frigging prize, he did not have a six-pack…he had an eight-pack!

Oh, and from personal experience, via my unwanted ride, his skin is baby soft, do not ask, I have no clue, he must use good oil or something… Hip length black dreads, common to his race I guess, trailed over his shoulders and onto the bed, each set with a single white clasp, a few mouse sized skulls tied on them too. A craving to tangle my fingers around them nearly overcame me, yet I managed to fight it…barely. Another thought, well image, completely perverted to the bone, appeared out of nowhere, it made me grin at first…but when I realized its _naughty_ direction…I forced it to a screeching halt. Cheeks scorching, I looked away.

"_He can't read my mind…he's not a Hish-Qu-Ten…" _A sharp sniffing made me grimace, _"of course…" _Clearing my throat, I gestured to the bowl, hoping to use it as a distraction, "so is that just for you?" Twitch Face paused in his sniffing, and…I did not exactly like the look on his face… He shook his head slightly, and blinked a few times, before reaching into the bowl and picking one of those baseball-sized grapes.

Blockhead turned, facing me, lower mandibles rubbing together almost deviously, held immobile by impalement upon his forefinger talon, the large fruit beckoned. Doubtfully I stared at it, the blackish gleam of its skin seeming more like a giant blueberry… Smiling crookedly, I lifted my hand, palm facing upward, placing the surprisingly heavy piece into gently curled fingers he clicked softly. Squeezing the mega grape, there was little yield beyond the cold flesh, so I brought it to my nose, scentless. Wearily I stroked a thumb back and forth on the oddly hard surface, would I chip a tooth if I bit into this?

Carefully I set my teeth on it, adding pressure until it surrendered itself as a small chunk, surprising me to no end with a chewy inside. "Mmmm!" My delighted squeal and wiggle on the bed made the Predator chuckle, which sounded like a horse choking… It tasted like a combination between white grapes and peaches! I did not hesitate in devouring the rest of my yummy, core and all...

There was little to no juice, so I did not have a mess covering my fingers…or boobs. Eyeing the bowl, I peered up at the Yautja, who sat relaxed, upper mandibles curled into a smug grin. He knew what I wanted, and instead of making me beg, he nudged the delectable assortments toward me. Perhaps he was not as evil as I had believed… Anyway, I think life is looking up!

"Thanks."

* * *

**Okay so first impressions are not always great**

**Nevertheless, with food as good as this, who could resist?**

**Between him and me, we finished the entire bowl off**

**He ate the rest of everything**

**I stuck with the grape four things, duh**

**Yet…I have a foreboding sense something unpleasant is going to happen…soon**

* * *

Lying back on the bed with a contented sigh of bliss, heavy eyelids fluttered shut. Those delicious mega treats had left me with a poked belly, a crooked grin that split my face nearly in half, and the urge to sleep for an entire year. A loud rustling beside me caused an eye to crack open, I watched the Yautja rise with his bowl, walking away, placing it somewhere in the darkness. He reappeared once again, crawling onto the bed, making it dip, assuming he would remain upon his side I shut my eye. Wrong again…the bastard.

He tossed a muscled arm over my waist, tugging me right against his godly hard chest, shit…guess where my hand is at, well trapped. _"This is not happening…nope…this is a really funky dream…so when I wake up I'll be back at home. In usual misery because my friends like to torture me with salads…fat free chocolate cake…oh god…what did I do to deserve this…I need a Hershey bar…" _My random whimpering thoughts gained a rude interruption when Twitch Face decided he wanted to cuddle…his loud rumbling purring creating vibrations throughout his body…and mine.

Perhaps it was the rise and fall of tempo that began to lull me into a partial daze. Like listening to a low humming radiating from his chest, I nuzzled closer. On the other hand, it could be his warm breath lightly moving over the crown of my head, an occasional brush of lower mandibles like thoughtless caresses. Whatever it was, it was rather nice. Until…an unpleasant grumbling rattled in the center of my stomach, too faint to hear, but strong enough to open my eyes and create a frown.

It passed, and I took it as nothing more then food digesting. Dear God…I never learn do I? It came back, louder this time, and with a mild discomfort. Indigestion…maybe, I had not taken off the clothes…for obvious reasons, Mr. Wondering Feely Fingers. Again, it passed…but now I was wide-awake, wondering if I needed to fart or something…

The once faint grumbling came back with a vengeance, snarling loud enough that it made Twitch Face stir, thus, I planted a hand over my stomach, hoping to shut it up. Apparently, I made it worse… A fervent hot sinking feeling was my first warning, and then to top it off, the next snarl came with a message…_"hey…dumbass, ignore me huh? You got fifteen seconds to find a bathroom."_ Well to say the least I sat right up in bed, the thick arm slipping to the tops of my thighs, as nature screams hello…and she is in a bitchy mood.

I seized his arm and gave it a violent shake, "where's your bathroom!" My pleading look was lost on the half sleep Predator, so I did the only thing a highly desperate girl can do… Grabbing his lower mandibles, I gave them a quick wiggle, I do not think he enjoyed the wake up call…_"you got fourteen seconds." _"Please where the heck is the frigging bathroom!" At this point, I was on my knees, hopping and doing the tight leg thing, trying to hold back the inevitable doom.

Twitch Face roared at me, not as loud when I tossed food at him, but more like saying, "get off my face." I let go, hunching over with my arms crisscrossing my belly, "bathroom, bathroom, bathroom!" I chanted. The arm that was once resting on my thighs lifted, rubbing across his eyes, no hurry on his part… "Damnit I hope you know I'm not paper trained!"

"_You got thirteen seconds."_

"_Shut up!"_

I whimpered aloud as another heated spasm twisted inside my stomach, beyond caring about pride, I needed to go! Blockhead grunted, the same hand passing over his forehead before getting up. My mouth fell slack as I watched him disappear, that son of a- Orange light abruptly flooded the room, glowing along walls just below a high set ceiling, rune like designs acting as nightlights… _"You got twelve seconds…" _An annoyed clicking jerked my head to the left, standing near a strange looking panel, Twitch Face gave me a dirty you woke me up look.

"_Eleven seconds dumb-"_

"_Shut it!"_

I could overlook the glare, but as I was beginning to consider how tightly clenched my butt cheeks were, he pressed what I think was a button… Another one of those hidden sliding doors flew upward, concealing itself in a smooth motion. "B-eeee-th-rrrrrrr-uuuuum…" _"Note to self, have him say difficult words to make fun of his speech difficulty later… Another note, stop talking to my sel…"_

"_Ten seconds."_

"_Why do I bother…?"_

Relief flooded my body in rolling waves, if Twitch Face had a backside, a sexy rounded one, then he required a bathroom too… Scrambling to the bed's side, I swiveled around so my knees remained balanced on its edge. Expecting a simple _human_ sized drop, I underestimated the fall and landing… Turns out it was Predator sized…who would have guessed… My ass made an agonizing smack on the frigid metal floor, because I just discovered, I am not very graceful person...

Oh, I had tears forming it stung so much, an eyelid twitching, while gritting my teeth, ignoring the awkward sprawl of my limbs in the heavy mists. Moreover, I forgot all about needing to go potty… When the sting finally abated, I became aware of two things, one, Blockhead had doubled over laughing, clutching at the wall to keep from winding up on the floor, and number two, the countdown…was now six seconds… Gasping with dread, I shot up to my knees then feet, squeezing sore butt cheeks together in a tight leg hobble. Hurriedly passing the still guffawing Yautja, I wished I needed to fart or something; his face was perfectly level for it…

As soon as I was beyond the door, a hissing announced it was no longer open. The spacious square room before me was as barren as a desert, overhead invisible lights filtered down from the same high ceiling structure, casting the room in an azure hue. With just a few swift steps, I noticed how icy cold the floor was, and since there was no mist here, the ground looked like rough grayish stone, felt like it too… Not glancing back, I automatically followed along the right wall, skirt already pulled to mid thigh. Where a curving alcove rose near the end as another wall began, you would think the toilet would be there…nope, guess what I found…a nightmare.

For those of you who have studied the Middle Ages, have you ever seen their idea of bathrooms? Well I am looking at a futuristic version of one. A steel three-foot ledge with a frigging deep hollow the size of a basketball placed in it… "You've got to be kidding me…the most advanced, ass kicking powerful race in the galaxy…uses a damn port-a-potty for a… I repeat…what did I do to deserve this…?"

"_Time's up…"_

Hind-end locking up, I did a spinning-leap across two feet with an accuracy that would have turned Super Man green with envy. My bootie slam hit the hole perfectly, nearly fell in too…I'm not that wide… The timing, thank God could not be better, one second less and I would have suffered…so to speak.

Blast off!

For the cha-cha diarrhea that shot out, I doubt NASA rocket launches are this loud or fast… I groaned in misery, it was as if someone had loaded me up with coco lax, prunes and apples…mix all that together with the hottest chili peppers known to man… Gasping through my mouth, I knew why so many authors avoided writing these kinds of scenes, how could they torture their beloved characters with waves of uncontrollable shitting…? I doubt Lord of the Rings fans could see Legolas with sudden diarrhea, running off in the midst of battling, seeking a bathroom…fleeing past his foes, not a hair out of place, yelling…"out of the way potty break!" That image made me snort, provoking a jet stream of thunderous farts to sound off…

Sucking a breath in through my nose, I gagged, snapped a hand over my mouth, and whimpered-screamed. Dear God oh mighty, what on earth had I eaten in the last few days?! The smell that assaulted my senses struck me like a sledgehammer, causing me to rock back on the cold metal toilet, nearly falling in for the second time… Rotten meat, sour milk, bad eggs, and acidy…stinky-ness, permeated the air like mustard gas… Trying to breathe using my mouth, I could taste the foul odor, dude…that is so not fair!

I held my breath, twisting on the uncomfortable seat less ring as more came out, was this ever going to take five? Hunching over my thighs, I fought to ignore the pain. Dear God…I now have a crispy fritter for an asshole, I just know it…I mean fire isn't even this hot! My backside has kissed the frigging sun, people! Every time I needed oxygen, I had to take halting suctions of it, waiting for the need to upchuck things to pass.

This is what I get for not obeying that number one rule when eating nameless foods, if you don't know…don't eat it… I bet Twitch Face knew this was going to happen too…

Oh well…as the famous Pinhead used to say…welcome to hell…

* * *

**After thirty minutes went by, the fiery shitting stopped**

**Bliss was short lived because the smells and taste still lingered**

**Oh, and the walls weren't sound proof, I heard snickers and snorts on the other side**

**Death would be too merciful for him**

**I wonder if castration is too harsh**

**Now…how to get out of here**

* * *

Desperately straining to lean forward without shifting my butt off the seat, I peered left and right. _"Where the hell is the toilet paper…? I mean, Predators do have to wipe, right? There's no way I'm dripping dry…"_ Winching, I wished for something to sooth the pain eating away at my screeching derriere, well this canceled sitting for a few days…

Leaning forward, I risked a halfhearted peek along bare walls, nothi-what the fuck! The only way I could describe the sensation that brushed over my underside was like the burning sigh from a blowtorch… Yelping, and flying, quite literally, off the toilet from hell, I smacked my palms protectively upon now flushed cheeks upon landing. Turning and honestly glaring accusingly at the inanimate object, I gasped, then choked because of the smell, and yanked both hands free of said bootie. "Ewwww, poo on my…whoa…"

Wiggling clean fingers, I suppressed a freaked giggle, twisting as far as my body would allow, I tried locating the reason for my pristine digits. Nothing, only a red ring circled the area under suspicion, and…some long fuzz… I forgot to wax this week, get off my back… Waddling cautiously toward the toilet, compliments of the loincloth at mid thigh, I stood before it, _"is it motion activated…?" _Waving a hand just above the rim, no reaction, dropping a fraction lower, I repeated, zilch.

Shrugging, I withdrew, and in an instant felt that same hot wind rush over my skin, startling me enough to jerk back by a few steps. Fanning the uncomfortable heat, I decided this toilet was semi-evil, yet on another scale, good… The style of wiping, albeit a tad too blistering for a human posterior, was nature friendly, but best of all, my danger hole no longer stung. That alone was enough to make me crack a smile and sigh in content. Even though the ring imprint felt rather flushed from where I had sat on the throne for thirty minuets…and my legs were partly numb and tingling painfully…

Tugging the skirt back to my hips, I suddenly experienced an intense wave of bone weary fatigue, the kind that makes you pout, slouch, and need lots of cuddles. My stomach ached because it was empty, however, on an optimistic side; I most likely had lost sixteen pounds of poo… Slipping bare arms to cup my tummy, I ambled to the entrance, scarcely daring to breathe. It still stunk as if…all right there is no term in hell I can use to describe this funk…too tired. I stood in front of the door silently, no energy whatsoever animating my posture.

I tapped the hard bluish metal, "I want to come out…" Even the tone of my voice spoke volumes as to how I suffered internally right now. A sharp hissing accompanied the alloy blocking my freedom darting up, I stepped out and it immediately closed once I was sufficiently beyond the invisible sensors. Eyes and shoulders drooping, I could see where Twitch Face lounged on the bed, arms propping his head up on the pillows, legs crossed at the ankles. I shuffled onward, stopping only when the bed became an obstacle, I planted my chin and arms on the top, the damn thing was tall, it hit me at mid chest…and I'm standing…

I gazed up at Blockhead and he just glanced at me by tilting his head slightly, "I don't feel good…" Okay, so I admit it, I put so much pout into that little sentence even I felt sorry for myself… Lucky for me, he bought the childish quality to my voice; he rose up and made another one of those rumbling "aww" sounds. Twitch Face crawled over the length of his bed, and the same way you would lift a fragile kitten, he leaned down, picked my wide-eyed ass up, and then cradled me like a baby… _"Note to my frigging self, do not flatter or do puppy dog eyes again…ever…"_

Somehow, with me still in his massive arms of steel, held to a concrete chest, we made it back to his original position. He rolled onto his side, set me beside him, facing his torso of Hercules, slid one of his arms under my head to act as a pillow, and the other slid to my back, keeping me squashed to him… _"This isn't happening…"_ Yawning deeply, I inhaled a strange musky scent, not a bad smell, but not a nice one if you get my meaning. Tantalizing warmth radiated from his body, reminding me of something that I had forgotten to mention earlier, his room, no…his entire ship was warm, rather humid too…

I love it!

Sighing in bliss, that little voice in the back of my head began to mutter its usual doubts, I decided it would be wisest to ignore the facts of reality… Playing the modest shy maiden would get me nowhere; yeah I know…curling up with him does go against better judgment, what could I do to fight back? Beg him not to do anything, oh yeah that would get me places, has that ever worked in real life, nooo, if he wanted something from me I was powerless to say nay to it… I already knew Twitch Face could snap me in two without thinking about it, so struggling against him would be a good laugh; he had to be a good four hundred pounds to my one hundred eighty. Go with the flow is the only safe thing to do right now, and this situation was not extremely bad…

My head was resting barely an inch beneath his lower mandibles; of course, he took full advantage of this, being cautious of the long spikes protruding at their bottoms, he ran them gently back and forth through my hair. This time it was my turn to purr, I adore hot temperatures, I was getting cuddles from a giant Predator, who when I was younger I had constantly fantasized about, this was a personal dream. Unfortunately, you always have to wake up and shatter said dream… A painful twitch in my tummy almost made me whimper, I did not want to leave this wonderful…oh thank God. Tilting my hips back, I released a soft sizzler fart, the kind that no one hears, and thought nothing of it, I was half-asleep…gimme a break…

Well, apparently Blockhead has an incredible sense of smell… For the way he stiffened up, you would think he were in the grips of rigor mortis. The arm that was so nice and comfortable under my cheek was suddenly gone, I mean like speed of light gone, I hit bare pillow fluff. Craning my head back, I glared at Twitch Face; he was looking down at me as if I was some deadly snake… All four mandibles tucked under his reddish spotted hand, I saw his chest expand then halt, and he jerked completely away from me.

I innocently sniffed the air, "what?"

Another halfhearted rise of his chest, but this time he fanned a hand in front of his face, his harsh visage twisting in a sickened grimace. "Oh come on…I smell like roses…" _"Putrid roses, but roses none the less…" _The Predator, I'm not kidding, he retched and shuddered, before rising from the bed. Looks like I got my revenge for earlier…oh shit.

"Uh…you may not want to go…too late…" He disappeared into the bathroom…maybe it had a fan to suck out the smell… The equivalence of an elephant slamming into the door made me jump a mile, most likely that had been his back encountering the metal… I heard frantic nails scratching on the other side, damn…was I that bad? As it unsealed itself from the floor, Twitch Face did not even wait for it to rise all the way; he honestly dropped to all fours…and scrambled out.

God, I wish I had a camera…

A seven-foot tall warrior, born and raised, a feared creature that can have limbs sawed off; pumped full of bullets, and hit on the head with giant logs…was brought to his knees because of a bowl movement… He would so be dead if he met my big momma… Watching as he gasped the misty air while fighting not to gag, he rose unsteadily to his feet, placing a hand to his head as if he was ready to faint… During his little down time, I had nonchalantly tooted a few more notes…adding to the already funky room. "Ssssllll-eeee-ppp a-llloooone!" I thought I was going to have to leave the room…nope.

He stomped to the hall entryway; hand now clamped over his mandibles, placed his free one over a panel, and promptly fled from the room once it opened...

* * *

_**-Disclaimer-**_

_**Sonsasu does not own Predator**_**  
**


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